Everwood.This is one of the best U.S. teen sequel/drama/love story/chic flick/how to build successful relationships/ I have watched for the past 21 years of my life. You guys should watch it! Although it would be hard to find it in Singapore. Anyhow, the story goes like this...
Ephram lost his mum in his angsty teenage years. His dad, Andy, a very famous surgeon, was always busy working. Andy then regrets and moves the family to a place called, Everwood. It was where the mum always wanted to live at. Ephram angry at his dad for moving him from New York to his countryside then meets Amy. Amy is attached. Shit. Her boyfriend, the college superstar, is in a coma after a car crash. She then makes friends with Ephram to get him to ask Andy for help.
As you can tell, there's alot of space for debate the way the plot is created, addressing teenage issues as the charactors grow up. Ephram falls in love with Amy but she has issues and when she is ready to take the leap of faith, he has issues. Did they ever get together? I'll leave you to find out.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/somethingmonumental/2090501420/So how to we enter relationships in the first place?
According to Steve Duck filtering theory, we use a series of filters to judge how close we want to become. In otherwords, its a process of elimination. So if you just had a lonely valentines, you might want to read on and NOT get eliminated next year.
- S0ciological or Incidental Cues - Factors that determine the probability of contact, e.g. workplace, school. We cannot form relationships with people we do not know. Physical proximity is the secret. By increasing the frequency of interaction, familitarity leads to attraction. However in this new age and time, you might find hope in virtual dating and online relationships. (Less likely to succeed though, you might end up with a online dinner)
- Preinteractional cues - Nonverbal impressions. e.g physical beauty, dress. First impressions last the longest. So remember to make a good first impression.
- Interactional Cues - After making contact, comes the hard part. Making comfortable conversations. In order to increase attraction, one must manage conversations and make interaction rewarding. This can be learnt by observation and practice. For example, humour, light-hearted topics. If these does not work, enrol in SIM-UB COM101 module.
- Cognitive cues - Long-lasting and stable relationships are psychological. Shared values and beliefs are more important than physical appearance. So it is important to talk about your own opinions, values and be open to other possibilities.
There isn't much you can change about your beliefs and values. It is like a lucky draw. Similiar, you tio already la! (win). Different, wha damn suay (not your luck). But in order to reach the last step of making good friends or romantic partners, you have to survive the first 3.
Any skills you could share to use in the first 3 steps? Like pick-up lines? "Ms, my lips are pretty dry, can i use yours?!"
Hello! :) Happen to drop by your blog by chance. (p.s. i'm the girl who couldn't read your writing in esl, haha)
ReplyDeleteYou know what? I like this entry of your alot! :D Not so much of all the technical terms and all, but just zooming straight into the points with examples that we can all related to personally. (I don't know for others, but it does for me!)
I think the step 3 and 4 kind of intersept for me. 'cos when you are having a conversation with the other party, the likelihood is that things will start revealing themself sub-consciously.. be it your values, beliefs, etc. (non-verbal coms) So, from there, I guess it would be rather easy for someone to pick up clues about the other person. :)
Am i making sense here? haha, i hope! :D
"If these does not work, enrol in SIM-UB COM101 module." LOL.
ReplyDelete"Like pick-up lines? "Ms, my lips are pretty dry, can i use yours?!" "
that won't work. really.
that aside, i think that first impressions do make a distinct effect, but can change over time.
and yeah, like shermin said, values and beliefs tend to make themselves known over the course of interaction. until something major jumps out as a huge "NO WAY" point that you can't compromise, i guess the relationship will keep progressing.
unless, of course, boredom creeps in. and the conversation doesn't flow in the first place.
joseph seem experienced in courting girls weewee... haha i think point 2 is the most important aspect! Appearance! It cannot be deny that when people look at the opposite gender, the first thing is appearance. If that person look untidy and messy, will you go ahead and make friend with him/her? First impression counts. This i agree with you
ReplyDeletehaha! Weee weee?! i'm not experience, just that comms thought me well. ha. i think first impressions is also the thing that hinders most people. After getting to know the untidy and messy people might be neat and appealing on the inside!
ReplyDeleteThings get started with a person's first impression and slowly develop through interaction between the two parties. In my opinion, to be able to make comfortable conversation and to maintain it is the most difficult in the initial stage of interaction. Which is why, i think to share a common interest is quite important too.
ReplyDeleteAnd lastly i totally agree on the 4th point on cognitive cues to have a long lasting relationship.
hello! well i would like to first say that joseph is very experienced with courting girls. haha!
ReplyDeletemoving on, well i think i kinda agree with the points above. i think where you are, and who you get to meet and interact with, is the most important for a relationship to blossom. because what joseph said, we dont make friends with complete strangers with no whatsoever links. and then after that, will come the first impression. of coz if u look good, pple will naturally will want to talk to you to know you better. this then results in a higher chance of you interacting with strangers, allowing you to know each other better. and as the conversation goes on, both parties will get to know each other on a deeper level and if there is a mutual interest, things will develop from there. so although interaction is crucial to the start of a relationship, you must first fulfil the first point. and the looks part is just an accelerating and easier way to get to the third point of interaction. haha these are just my views.